angrylittleboy

We don’t run out of problems. As soon as you get through one, another one replaces it. Our problems also seem to get more complex as we age. Our professor in college once told us “there are only three kinds of people who don’t have problems: newborns, the mentally handicapped and those six-feet-under”.

It’s natural for us to feel down whenever we have problems. Some of us mope, some of us become irritable while others become self-destructive. Whichever of the ones mentioned, it’s a fact that more often than not, the people around us also become affected.

So I choose to keep my problems to myself, which can be difficult at times because when I say I have a “problem”, it means IT IS a problem. It’s rare that I talk to people about my personal life, always thinking that it’s inappropriate for me to do so.

So what do I do during times like these? I try my best not to be a burden to other people and act normal. I would still do whatever it is that I’m supposed to do and live my life the way I think it should be lived. I try not to think about my problems by distracting myself with activities that I love doing, and when my head’s all cleared up and I can think more objectively, that’s when I sit down and think things through.

A long walk also helps.

For almost 30 years, I managed to keep my valuables intact while in places like Quiapo, U-Belt, Baclaran, Monumento & Tondo. I started commuting by myself at the age of 8, and not once did I get held-up or my pockets picked. I grew up in one of Mandaluyong City’s toughest streets back in the 80′s, and I’ve been with people from both sides of the fence.  I’m street-smart, and petty scams and pickpockets were beyond me. That’s what I thought.

Last Saturday, me, my roommate Travis and our friend Tony attended the Fête de la Musique at Metrowalk Ortigas. I didn’t really think about staying for too long; the plan was “take some photos, catch up with some friend’s post-wedding party and call it a night”. At least that’s how it was supposed to be when I still had my cash in my pocket.

Later on in the evening, the three of us decided to check out the stage for Heavy Metal. Bad idea, because within 10 minutes after entering the gates, Tony lost his mobile phone to a pickpocket. A couple of minutes after that, it was my turn and I lost both my mobile phone and wallet in one swipe.

A mobile phone, a considerable amount of cash, important IDs, some cards, a pendant my mom gave me, some mementos from friends, some important papers, all gone. My pockets, picked clean, within (of all places) Metrowalk. I tried reporting the incident to a security personnel, but he shrugged it off, saying “it always happens” and that there was nothing they can do about it (Thanks for the help, Mr. Security Man).

I was pissed, but was there anything I could’ve done about it? Meh. Pointless. We finished the night with me freeloading on beer from Rommel and hitching a ride home with Travis.

I learned my lesson already. Tondo? Baclaran? Quiapo? They won’t compare to Fête de la Musique.

After a total of 6 employers in a span of 5 years, I now find myself working for another company. As of current, I am under probation with the title of “manager”.

Most people think it’s cool. Some people think it will mean a better life for me, that this opportunity should let me get closer to my goals.

Only problem is, I don’t have a goal.

Well, I think I do, but it isn’t clear to me. Whenever people ask me what I want, I just go “grow old and die, I guess”. Well, yeah, a huge house and a snazzy car and a lot of cash in the pocket would be nice… but there’s just no drive within me to pursue them. Blah, I think those lessons on worldly possessions rubbed on me the wrong way.

I just want to do what I want without compromising on a lot of things. And somehow, from the back of my irregularly shaped head, there’s this nagging feeling that this job will do the opposite…

*dun dun dun*